Too Funny

New Preacher

A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous, and about ten minutes into the talk, his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school when a situation like this arose - repeat your last point. Often, this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try.
"Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still, his mind was blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing.
He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.
The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apologize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man. It was my fault...I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!"

Baptizing Cats

A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.
The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled, clawed and tore at him, and got away.
With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.
Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, be an Atheist."

Assorted Faith Funnies

Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ., says that the best prayer he ever heard was, "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His response was: 3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7.

A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand and led her to the shore where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to heaven," She replied. Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

A woman invited some people over for dinner. At the table she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" The girl replied, "I wouldn't know what to say." "Just say what you heard Mommy say," the mother answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?
 

CG